You have got to be shitting me.
Dateline: December 30, 2006
Long Island - Tommy (my dear brother and partner in crime) is in my passenger seat as we prepare to leave WalMart in Riverhead. We sit, first in line at the light, waiting for it to change. As the Westbound turn lane signal goes red, a truck tries to squeeze through, at which point it is struck by an east bound car. The back of the truck gets spun around into the front of my poor, dear Gretchen (my Jetta). Airbags deploy, and my brother emerges from his second accident in 78 hours. This time, it is I who was immobilized by emergency responders. A few hours later, I leave the hospital with a bruised sternum, a sore back, aches, and a very grateful family.
I went to school for Fine Arts. I'm an accomplished sketch artist, painter, photographer, writer, and designer. I'm gruff, rough, and kinda tough. So how the HELL did I end up working at Fiscal United Bank? The following stories are all true accounts of the day to day insanity that I have encountered as a representative of Fiscal United Bank. Only the names and minor details have been changed to protect... well, to protect me from litigation, frankly.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Vehicular Vehicle-Slaughter
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Crash (Not The Market, Don't Panic)
My life doesn't want to let me get into any kind of comfortable rhythm. I received a call from my uncle Bill.
In this call, he told me not to be alarmed, but that my brother Tommy had been in a car accident, his car had been run off the road by a truck, had flipped and rolled, and came to a rest upside down, and that Tommy had emerged from the car with only minor cuts and bruises. The kicker? It happened less than two miles from my branch.
OK, Sarah, what's God trying to tell me now?
In this call, he told me not to be alarmed, but that my brother Tommy had been in a car accident, his car had been run off the road by a truck, had flipped and rolled, and came to a rest upside down, and that Tommy had emerged from the car with only minor cuts and bruises. The kicker? It happened less than two miles from my branch.
OK, Sarah, what's God trying to tell me now?
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Never Ask "What Next," Because Invariably, Some Smart Ass Deity Is Gonna Show You
So, apparently, I'm NOT back to work. When my boss saw me at work today, she asked "what are you doing back?" I told her I was all better. But apparently, what I didn't know, is that the doctor who put me on disability had to clear me to return. So I went home early, and made an appointment to see the doc. I should have the note by tomorrow. Then maybe, JUST MAYBE, I can get back to living my life!
Back In Black (Suit)
I am back to work as of today. The past three months have been pretty tough for me, between the death of my father, contracting some strange fatigue disease, and regular visits to my shrink, Dr. Milano (and no, her first name is not Cookie). But I am feeling a little better, a little more rested. It's tough waking up in the mornings with the effects of the sleeping pills still working on me, but I only work 30 seconds from my house, so I make due.
I am eager to get back to some semblance of normalcy, so I can show my boss what I'm like when the world isn't crushing me down into scrap.
I am eager to get back to some semblance of normalcy, so I can show my boss what I'm like when the world isn't crushing me down into scrap.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Zonked
Parvo. Exhaustion. Stress. Depression. I cashed a check, and then gave the client the check back. Thank GOD we have honest clients, she said "I think you're supposed to keep this."
I told my bosses about my stress, my insomnia, my exhaustion. I've made mistakes, and I am afraid I am going to make more. I am out on disability. I've been out of work since Monday, because a tired and unfocused banker is a mistake making banker. My cocktail of vitamins, sleeping pills and Aleve continues to bear limited fruit.
Now I have to see a shrink.
I really feel like I'm starting to lose it.
Sarah, the cute barista, has been so sweet to me. She is a Jehovah's witness, and she has been trying to keep me sane, reminding me to have faith. I envy her ability to believe. I wish I had something to believe in.
I told my bosses about my stress, my insomnia, my exhaustion. I've made mistakes, and I am afraid I am going to make more. I am out on disability. I've been out of work since Monday, because a tired and unfocused banker is a mistake making banker. My cocktail of vitamins, sleeping pills and Aleve continues to bear limited fruit.
Now I have to see a shrink.
I really feel like I'm starting to lose it.
Sarah, the cute barista, has been so sweet to me. She is a Jehovah's witness, and she has been trying to keep me sane, reminding me to have faith. I envy her ability to believe. I wish I had something to believe in.
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