Relationship Banker? Really?

Is that what we're calling ourselves now?

Okay, I can see how Fiscal United Bank is looking to make everything a little more personal and enhance the customer relations experience, but why do I suddenly feel like I'm the star of a Will Smith romantic comedy? (Granted, Kevin James and I probably wrestle in the same weight class, but Hitch I am not...)

How exactly does Relationship Banker explain to the customers what my function is? Just seems to me like this is more of the Dilbert-esque corporate lingo doublespeak that gave us such gems as "leveraging our action items into a dynamic corporate synergy." What does that even mean? Where do people come up with this? It's like someone threw business edition poetry magnets at a fridge and used whatever came out as their new mission statement for the quarter.

Whatever happened to the days when your job title actually described what your job was? What was wrong with Client Service Representative? Too long? I can see how they'd likely seek to avoid branding us Client Servicers. That just sounds way too blue. But what made them settle on Relationship Banker? Why not Financial Ingénue? Domestic Partnership Broker? Currencyhandler of Intrigue?

I guess it could be worse. I have been called worse by people I worked for. Just seems like they're hiding us behind an Esperanto-like language of Business English that shall henceforth be known as "Bizinglish."

Here's hoping you can leverage your daily action items into a positive calendar position (or, in non-Bizinglish, "have a nice day.")