OK, Enough Is Enough...

In their infinite wisdom, Fiscal United Bank has announced that now, one of our platform personnel will be required to stand by the door to greet people as they come into the branch. Meet and Greet, they call it.

Waste of Resources, I call it.

It's hard enough doing what we do, dealing with these customers who seem to appear in droves all at once. There are times when our lobby is dead empty for an hour or so. Then (more often) there are times when everyone is busy, and there are people waiting to be helped. Despite what the numbers say, this branch, like many others, is under-manned. NOW, we get to lose productivity by having one of us standing by the door doing nothing but directing traffic.

So I will now hold an imaginary press conference in which I will address the decision makers behind this move and explain why they are making a poor decision.

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"But it helps customers," Empty Suit #1 will explain.

"So does allowing Overdraft Protection to kick in when a client is drawing against uncollected funds, rather than generating a $35 fee," I answer, pointing to the next "informed decision maker."

"It makes clients feel welcomed," Empty Suit #2 pipes up.

"I make the clients feel welcomed already by greeting them from my desk," I answer. "Not once have I ever had a client say they didn't feel welcomed after I ask them how they're doing, even though I wasn't clogging the lobby when I did it. Next statement."

"Studies show that banks with greeters don't get robbed as much," Empty Suit #3 exposits.

"Who told you that? You didn't even read that study yourself, let alone help come to that conclusion. Stop spouting things you have no understanding of, and that will affect other peoples jobs while you glide on unaffected. You know what else helps prevent robberies? Armed guards. Bandit Barriers at the teller windows. A larger staff. Seeing as how that's not the cheapest solution, I know it's not popular. Instead, you'll be paying someone to stand in the lobby when they can be doing actual work. If no one has anything intelligent to say, this press conference is over."

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It's not like this will affect me anyway; I have chronic back problems that prevent me for standing for longer than more than 15 minutes at a time anyway. I'll need to burn a day going back to the doctor to get my note excusing me from this fool's errand, but it will be worth it.

Fiscal United Bank, STOP cherry picking doing what other banks are doing and explaining that we're trying to be like them. Do what matters. Make REAL attempts at safety and customer service, not just what's the easiest thing to replicate.