I posted this on my work blog, The Average Joe of the Banking World:
The Bank is buying us lunch today... on the day that I am traveling to ANOTHER branch to help out. Nice kick in the pants.
The perfect end to a perfect week: Monday, I broke up with my girlfriend. Tuesday, hurt my back lifting water bottle. Wednesday, woke up with a migraine. Thursday, had every idiot in Blue Point at my desk, and still had the migraine. Today, back still hurting, migraine still raging, having not slept much over the past week, I am now going to another branch to help because they are understaffed, a situation I can relate to because we are PERPETUALLY understaffed, and I miss out on free lunch. At least the weekend...
Oh, that's right. I'm working tomorrow. JOY. :(
Does anyone know what the American-On-A-Budget version of walkabout is?
And my audience replied with...
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Excitement Is Brewing
Our remodeling is only weeks away, I'm told. Very exciting stuff. We'll be getting a vestibule, doors will be moving, windows painted, carpeting redone, new counters for the tellers... Can't wait!
I'd LOVE to be part of the department that travels from branch to branch redesigning. But I think my themes and motifs wouldn't be well accepted. Abstract design doesn't seem to be something Fiscal United would be comfortable with. But can't you just see how awesome the branch would be with nine legged chairs and a melting clock that ran backwards?
I'd LOVE to be part of the department that travels from branch to branch redesigning. But I think my themes and motifs wouldn't be well accepted. Abstract design doesn't seem to be something Fiscal United would be comfortable with. But can't you just see how awesome the branch would be with nine legged chairs and a melting clock that ran backwards?
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Don't Know What You've Got Until You're Mugged In The Parking Lot For It...
So we had a client (no names, of course) who has mid six figures in his savings account. He just asked the teller who was helping him to write down his balance so he could decide if he should go to McDonalds or Wendy's for dinner. On his way out, he then complained to the Assistant Manager that he couldn't afford more than Wendy's with the amount of interest our bank was paying him.
Oh, to have such problems.
He should understand that we have employees here who can't really afford to even go to Wendy's for dinner. There are some families that can't even afford to eat dinner at all. I wish I didn't value my job as much as I do, I would have told this arrogant jerk that he could feed a family of four at Wendy's for two solid years with HALF of what he had squirreled away in his account. Everyone thinks that working in a bank automatically means your finances are well in the green.
RARELY the case when it comes to the Average Joes of ther banking world. The good news is that Fiscal United Bank has decided to raise all employees to the minimum of the average of surveyed bank employees in our region. The bad news is that no one will commit to a solid date as to when that will happen beyond telling us that it will be within two years, by which time the average salary for a bank employee will likely rise just as much as they are raising us, leaving us still short of what everyone else is making.
Is it Friday yet?
Oh, to have such problems.
He should understand that we have employees here who can't really afford to even go to Wendy's for dinner. There are some families that can't even afford to eat dinner at all. I wish I didn't value my job as much as I do, I would have told this arrogant jerk that he could feed a family of four at Wendy's for two solid years with HALF of what he had squirreled away in his account. Everyone thinks that working in a bank automatically means your finances are well in the green.
RARELY the case when it comes to the Average Joes of ther banking world. The good news is that Fiscal United Bank has decided to raise all employees to the minimum of the average of surveyed bank employees in our region. The bad news is that no one will commit to a solid date as to when that will happen beyond telling us that it will be within two years, by which time the average salary for a bank employee will likely rise just as much as they are raising us, leaving us still short of what everyone else is making.
Is it Friday yet?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
OK, Enough Is Enough...
In their infinite wisdom, Fiscal United Bank has announced that now, one of our platform personnel will be required to stand by the door to greet people as they come into the branch. Meet and Greet, they call it.
Waste of Resources, I call it.
It's hard enough doing what we do, dealing with these customers who seem to appear in droves all at once. There are times when our lobby is dead empty for an hour or so. Then (more often) there are times when everyone is busy, and there are people waiting to be helped. Despite what the numbers say, this branch, like many others, is under-manned. NOW, we get to lose productivity by having one of us standing by the door doing nothing but directing traffic.
So I will now hold an imaginary press conference in which I will address the decision makers behind this move and explain why they are making a poor decision.
=====
"But it helps customers," Empty Suit #1 will explain.
"So does allowing Overdraft Protection to kick in when a client is drawing against uncollected funds, rather than generating a $35 fee," I answer, pointing to the next "informed decision maker."
"It makes clients feel welcomed," Empty Suit #2 pipes up.
"I make the clients feel welcomed already by greeting them from my desk," I answer. "Not once have I ever had a client say they didn't feel welcomed after I ask them how they're doing, even though I wasn't clogging the lobby when I did it. Next statement."
"Studies show that banks with greeters don't get robbed as much," Empty Suit #3 exposits.
"Who told you that? You didn't even read that study yourself, let alone help come to that conclusion. Stop spouting things you have no understanding of, and that will affect other peoples jobs while you glide on unaffected. You know what else helps prevent robberies? Armed guards. Bandit Barriers at the teller windows. A larger staff. Seeing as how that's not the cheapest solution, I know it's not popular. Instead, you'll be paying someone to stand in the lobby when they can be doing actual work. If no one has anything intelligent to say, this press conference is over."
=====
It's not like this will affect me anyway; I have chronic back problems that prevent me for standing for longer than more than 15 minutes at a time anyway. I'll need to burn a day going back to the doctor to get my note excusing me from this fool's errand, but it will be worth it.
Fiscal United Bank, STOP cherry picking doing what other banks are doing and explaining that we're trying to be like them. Do what matters. Make REAL attempts at safety and customer service, not just what's the easiest thing to replicate.
Waste of Resources, I call it.
It's hard enough doing what we do, dealing with these customers who seem to appear in droves all at once. There are times when our lobby is dead empty for an hour or so. Then (more often) there are times when everyone is busy, and there are people waiting to be helped. Despite what the numbers say, this branch, like many others, is under-manned. NOW, we get to lose productivity by having one of us standing by the door doing nothing but directing traffic.
So I will now hold an imaginary press conference in which I will address the decision makers behind this move and explain why they are making a poor decision.
=====
"But it helps customers," Empty Suit #1 will explain.
"So does allowing Overdraft Protection to kick in when a client is drawing against uncollected funds, rather than generating a $35 fee," I answer, pointing to the next "informed decision maker."
"It makes clients feel welcomed," Empty Suit #2 pipes up.
"I make the clients feel welcomed already by greeting them from my desk," I answer. "Not once have I ever had a client say they didn't feel welcomed after I ask them how they're doing, even though I wasn't clogging the lobby when I did it. Next statement."
"Studies show that banks with greeters don't get robbed as much," Empty Suit #3 exposits.
"Who told you that? You didn't even read that study yourself, let alone help come to that conclusion. Stop spouting things you have no understanding of, and that will affect other peoples jobs while you glide on unaffected. You know what else helps prevent robberies? Armed guards. Bandit Barriers at the teller windows. A larger staff. Seeing as how that's not the cheapest solution, I know it's not popular. Instead, you'll be paying someone to stand in the lobby when they can be doing actual work. If no one has anything intelligent to say, this press conference is over."
=====
It's not like this will affect me anyway; I have chronic back problems that prevent me for standing for longer than more than 15 minutes at a time anyway. I'll need to burn a day going back to the doctor to get my note excusing me from this fool's errand, but it will be worth it.
Fiscal United Bank, STOP cherry picking doing what other banks are doing and explaining that we're trying to be like them. Do what matters. Make REAL attempts at safety and customer service, not just what's the easiest thing to replicate.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
If You Can't Amaze The With Answers...
...baffle them with Bullshit.
That's one of my favorite sayings. I like to tell stories, and I will prank people all the time with false knowledge (followed up quickly with a laugh and the REAL information).
One of my favorite misdirections is when a co-worker requests a phone number, I will make sure they are ready to write it down, and give them 867-5309, which, for those living in a cave or born in the 90s or later, is the title of a Tommy Tutone one-hit wonder 867-5309 (Jenny). I even clue them in by drawing out the nine as Ni-ee-ine. Some get it right away, some actually pick up the phone, btu I always clue them in right away.
Today, one of the tellers asked an interesting question: "what does IOU stand for?"
I have gone my entire adult life without wondering if it really does just stand for I Owe You, or if it was an actual acronym. But after revealing that indeed, I had no idea if it meant anything or not, I went ahead and made up the following explanation:
Back in the Civil War, the Union Army was facing a shortage of supplies. They would go to local farms and requisition feed, food, tools, and weapons for use by the army. Rather than just having soldiers walking in an taking the items without explanation, the Union drafted up notices called "Instrument Of Union" notices, explaining that the requisitioned items were necessary for the operation of the Union Army. When the war was over, the Union went about compensating the farmers, giving them money for the Instrument Of Union letters. Thus, the practice of giving someone an IOU as a promise of later compensation began.
The teller said that had I not already admitted I knew nothing about its origins, she would have bought that story hook, line and sinker. Too bad no one ever asks what an IOU stands for!
(P.S.: It stands for I Owe Unto. I like my story better!)
That's one of my favorite sayings. I like to tell stories, and I will prank people all the time with false knowledge (followed up quickly with a laugh and the REAL information).
One of my favorite misdirections is when a co-worker requests a phone number, I will make sure they are ready to write it down, and give them 867-5309, which, for those living in a cave or born in the 90s or later, is the title of a Tommy Tutone one-hit wonder 867-5309 (Jenny). I even clue them in by drawing out the nine as Ni-ee-ine. Some get it right away, some actually pick up the phone, btu I always clue them in right away.
Today, one of the tellers asked an interesting question: "what does IOU stand for?"
I have gone my entire adult life without wondering if it really does just stand for I Owe You, or if it was an actual acronym. But after revealing that indeed, I had no idea if it meant anything or not, I went ahead and made up the following explanation:
Back in the Civil War, the Union Army was facing a shortage of supplies. They would go to local farms and requisition feed, food, tools, and weapons for use by the army. Rather than just having soldiers walking in an taking the items without explanation, the Union drafted up notices called "Instrument Of Union" notices, explaining that the requisitioned items were necessary for the operation of the Union Army. When the war was over, the Union went about compensating the farmers, giving them money for the Instrument Of Union letters. Thus, the practice of giving someone an IOU as a promise of later compensation began.
The teller said that had I not already admitted I knew nothing about its origins, she would have bought that story hook, line and sinker. Too bad no one ever asks what an IOU stands for!
(P.S.: It stands for I Owe Unto. I like my story better!)
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