Promotion Commotion

OK, this is getting silly. Our recently launched Incentive Checking has, apparently, met with lukewarm response. Don't blame me; since my own problems with the Incentive website were resolved, I have been pushing this like my old Crown Vic when the engine blew (i.e. with all my might, and it's not really moving anywhere). So, in an effort to generate additional interest, we are relaunching the product with a new campaign.

I was confronted yesterday by a gigantic, obnoxious blue monolith clogging one of the customer exits from the teller area. It offends the eye and obstructs your path, while offering nothing but the name of the product, the slogan, and vague imagery. Apparently this product can, judging only by the signage, allow you to get a pile of random merchandise, a jumbo jet airliner, and oversized novelty dollar signs.

OK, fair enough. Advertisement. I get it. But certainly, it can be done in a smaller space, and can be positioned somewhere where it isn't making clients funnel through one narrow space to leave the teller area.

Later in the day, we see a large blue duffle bag. Said duffle is filled with, among other things, small stress relieving foam airplanes. (Much needed, by the way. I've been through six of them this morning alone.) ALSO secreted in this duffle bag are blue ribbons, asking "Have You Been Rewarded?" with our logo on the bottom. We must wear these now, held on by our magnetic name tags. Have I Been Rewarded? No, I certainly have not. Despite the fact that I look like I have won Best In Show, I don't consider this a Reward, I consider it punishment.

I've always been grateful and proud to work for a company that doesn't do the cheesy gimmick thing. I hate watching people standing on the side walk wearing a gorilla suit and a sandwich board that says "You'll Go Ape Over Our Interest Rates!" I think it demeans both the employee and the bank. Dressing us up with ribbons and bows and making us decorate our break room is missing the point.

Maybe the real reason people aren't going crazy is that they realize that with only 200 Miles per month maximum for ACH payments and 100 Miles per month maximum for withdrawals, it would take 5 ½ years to earn $50. People miss Debit Pluses, and if you ask me, this is a poor replacement. They want dollar for dollar bonus miles! They want to redeem exact amounts for airline tickets, not this sliding scale that pretty much guarantees you're losing miles unless your ticket costs exactly $250. Yes, they get HUGE bonuses for Direct Deposit, and an Anniversary Bonus that will halve the time it will take to gain serious miles, but it just isn't that exciting.

So let me be frank, Fiscal United Bank; it's not gimmicks, it's not ribbons, and it's not bells and whistles the common people want. It's zero problems, which is what we're known for. It's the ole Straight Talk Express. Let's save the ribbons and get down to some serious Incentive!