Saturday, June 20, 2009

Jane Sykes, Chapter Five: In Which We Learn That Some People Trust Their Bankers More Than Their Lawyers

Bankers serve many roles. We are bankers, first and foremost. But we are also accountants (when clients can’t manage to keep their checkbooks straight), telephone directories (for people looking to find out everything else in a two mile radius) counselors (because who else will listen to their story about how their own siblings scheistered them out of their portion of Dad’s estate) and therapists (sometimes people just feel the need to let their grief and angst out).

One thing we are not, nor do we pretend to be, are lawyers. Clients will come to us asking advice on what they should do concerning their taxes, their inheritances, their wills, their divorces. I am not a lawyer (and I certainly don’t get paid like one). The reason they charge so much is that they paid a kidney to get all that knowledge you’re seeking for free.

So of course, Jane Sykes had this to say:

RB: “Thank you for calling Fiscal United Bank, this is your Relationship Banker speaking, how can I help you?”

JS: “This is Mrs. Jane Sykes. I have been with your bank for fifty years (it varies from call to call). I always work with you when I have a problem.”

RB: “Yes, of course. How can I assist you today?”

JS: “My lawyer is a son of a bitch.”

RB: (Stunned silence) “What-”

JS: “I want you to call him up and fire him!”

RB: “Jane, I’m sorry, but I cannot do that. I can’t fire your lawyer. You’ll need to call him yourself and do that.”

Some people think we are able to (or are even interested in) becoming tangled in the legal web. I object, your honor.

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