Saturday, June 20, 2009

Jane Sykes, Chapter Five: In Which We Learn That Some People Trust Their Bankers More Than Their Lawyers

Bankers serve many roles. We are bankers, first and foremost. But we are also accountants (when clients can’t manage to keep their checkbooks straight), telephone directories (for people looking to find out everything else in a two mile radius) counselors (because who else will listen to their story about how their own siblings scheistered them out of their portion of Dad’s estate) and therapists (sometimes people just feel the need to let their grief and angst out).

One thing we are not, nor do we pretend to be, are lawyers. Clients will come to us asking advice on what they should do concerning their taxes, their inheritances, their wills, their divorces. I am not a lawyer (and I certainly don’t get paid like one). The reason they charge so much is that they paid a kidney to get all that knowledge you’re seeking for free.

So of course, Jane Sykes had this to say:

RB: “Thank you for calling Fiscal United Bank, this is your Relationship Banker speaking, how can I help you?”

JS: “This is Mrs. Jane Sykes. I have been with your bank for fifty years (it varies from call to call). I always work with you when I have a problem.”

RB: “Yes, of course. How can I assist you today?”

JS: “My lawyer is a son of a bitch.”

RB: (Stunned silence) “What-”

JS: “I want you to call him up and fire him!”

RB: “Jane, I’m sorry, but I cannot do that. I can’t fire your lawyer. You’ll need to call him yourself and do that.”

Some people think we are able to (or are even interested in) becoming tangled in the legal web. I object, your honor.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Zero Problem Incentive Checking?

Zero Problem my ass.

My non-employee checking account was switched on August 12 from Fiscal United Absolutely Free Checking to the Fiscal United Incentive product. Since then, I have attempted to register the account on the Incentive Checking site and have met with no success. I am informed by the website that the account number I have provided is not a valid Fiscal United Checking Account. Several of my associates in the branch have gone to the same site and registered their accounts with no issues.

On August 25, I called our help line and was directed by an associate who's name I did not catch to Sal at the Online Banking Help Line. Sal then directed me to Sondra at the employee help line who then connected me to Kristen at the F.U.B. Redemption Center. Kristen connected me to the Enrollment Department, where I spoke to a woman named Maneesh (spelling likely butchered, sorry). She then contacted the Incentive Department, where I spoke to Jeff. Jeff looked into the account at great length, and after several minutes, suggested I email Deposit Operations to resolve the issue. I did. Today, I got a call from Karen McCall, who told me her department had nothing to do with that. Each of the people I spoke to was incredibly polite and eager to help, which says a lot for our telephone help system, and each of them saw no reason why my account was not able to be registered (i.e. the account is valid).

So why the HECK am I still not able to enroll? I have a REALLY hard time encouraging my clients to sign up for it if I can't even successfully use it myself.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Wait Just A Damn Minute (Or Twenty)

So, as I'm sure everyone knows by now, we are not allowed any overtime. If we're slated to have overtime, we're supposed to leave early later in the week (with the glaring logical flaw that if everyone stays late one night, we'd have to close the bank early to make up for it, or if someone stays late on the last day of their work week, there is NO way to get around it).

Let's rewind two weeks:

My girlfriend Jillian flew in from a business trip to California, and due to a series of weather related mishaps, she ended up coming in very early Thursday morning rather than Wednesday night. As a result, I was an hour late getting into work that day. I was also slated to work Saturday that week, and because we are opened for limited hours on Saturday, that put me at 38 hours for the week, which, from what I understood, was the minimum we had to work to still meet our quota to get paid our full check.

Now, everyone on platform leaves early now and again. Ten minutes here, twenty minutes there. The time is made up somewhere, by coming in early or staying late on another day. I call this the ebb and flow. I generally don't keep track of when I stay ten or fifteen minutes late, nor do I keep track of when I come in ten or fifteen minutes early. Because I know that if I need to come in a few minutes late, or if I leave a few minutes early, it's generally not a problem. My manager is great like that.

My assistant manager... not so much.

So that Saturday, my sister invited Jillian and I to the movies. As the timing was less than optimal to avoid a speeding ticket, I asked my assistant manager if I could leave early that day. I stayed until after the bank closed, and helped get the tellers on their way to closing, but once there was nothing for me to do but watch, I asked my assistant manager if I could bail. It was 3:10. She said yes, and I left.

When I came in Monday morning, my time card (which had originally reflected the 38 hours) was altered by my assistant manager to reflect that I left at 3:10, giving me 37:40 for the week. It was NOT further altered to reflect the fact that I stayed late that Friday, or came back from my lunch break a few minutes early on Thursday; only my early departure was recorded. If that's how she wants to play the game, that's fine.

After confirming with my manager that A.) I was not in trouble for recording less than 38 hours on my time card, and B.) that I would still be getting my full week's pay, I considered the issue dropped. But I informed her that from now on, I will be more dilligent in recording EXACTLY when I arrive and depart, lunch breaks, etc.

So now last week, after recording exact arrival and departure times, I ended Thursday with 32:10.

Friday, I was set to leave 10 minutes early, leaving me at exactly 40 hours, but the head of security came in at quarter to 5, and kept me there until 5:10. So my card read 40:20.

My assistant manager made me change the card to read 40:00. No overtime, no exceptions. So it's necessary to record EXACT times until we reach 40 hours, and then it's okay to round it down?