Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Time Travelers Product Review: You Save Checking

Greetings, denizens of yesteryear! I have traveled back from 21 days in the fantastic future to give you a glimpse of your destiny! I went into a branch and listened to customer feedback concerning your new You Save Checking product. Here's how it went down:


Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "So if you're interested, let's just get a retinal scan,* and we can start opening the You Save Checking account."
*(By the way, not to give up too much, but there are BIG changes coming in the next week or so, people. BIG.)

Futuristic Customer: "Before we do that, let me get this straight: I spend $4.33, and you will take .25 from my checking and move it over to my savings?"

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "Indeed."

Futuristic Customer: "So my account will be charged $4.58, and .25 of my money will be put into my savings."

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "Correct."

Futuristic Customer: "That sounds confusing. Don't other companies usually just round up to the nearest dollar?"

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "Affirmative."

Futuristic Customer: "But you don't do that, it's just .25 every time?"

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "Yes."

Futuristic Customer: "So what if that .25 will overdraw my account?"

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "Then no transfers will happen that day."

Futuristic Customer: "None? They get done all at once? So even if I did 100 debit card purchases, if that 100th purchase would move .25 out of my account and cause an overdraft, then the first 99 transfers don't happen?"

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "They do not."

Futuristic Customer: "Then what's the... agh, never mind. (shakes head) So, the bank will match my transfers, right?"

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "Yes, 100%."

Futuristic Customer: "That's awe-"

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "For the first four months."

Futuristic Customer: "Oh, well, that's-"

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "If it's a new account. If you convert your existing account, it's 10%."

Futuristic Customer: "New account? But I already-"

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "And only up to 10 Bill Pays."

Futuristic Customer: "Alright, I get it, I get it! Still, the fact that you will match my transfers, and help me save towards the future, that's fantastic. Sign me up for a new account! This will serve as a great compliment to my Incredible Incentive Checking."

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "Clients can only have one premium account type each."

Futuristic Customer: "So I have to open a new account, a new number to memorize, to get the maximum benefits, but my existing account then loses it's ability to generate it's own benefits?"

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "You can convert an existing account."

Futuristic Customer: "But I lose 90% on my transfer matches for the first four months."

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "And you forfeit any incentive points already earned."

Futuristic Customer: "Forfeit- O.K., so converting the account is not going to happen. And if I open a new account, I have to cancel my Incentive Checking anyway."

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "Aye."*
*(In the future, we're prohibited from answering questions with the same answer more than once. Otherwise, it might appear impersonal.)

Futuristic Customer: "Is there any way I can keep my Incentives AND open a You Save account?"

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "You can have your wife open up the You Save account with her as the primary account holder."

Futuristic Customer: "I'm not married."

Relationship Banker of Tomorrow: "How soon can you remedy that?"

Futuristic Customer: (shakes head) "Is there a Bank of Amexicanada* around here?"
*(BIG changes.)


So you see, citizens of August 11th, 2009, the future is a fantastic place, full of mystery and wonder! Be ever vigilant, and keep your eyes to the skies!

This message brought to you by Fiscal United Bank, N.A., a division of Pepsi-Cola.*
*(BIIIIIG changes.)


  1. Angelina Lookin8:36:00 PM

    lol good one

  2. Fraz Chekzal8:36:00 PM



  3. Jean Paul Fontenot8:37:00 PM

    I'm aware of all the changes that are to take place by year end and I'm already confused. I work at a small branch in a small town and see the same customers every week. I can tell you what day at what time they will come in and most of the time what they're going to be wearing. I can also tell you the conversation that we're going to have because it rarely diverges. Yet, each time I meet them I'm to tell them who I am, what I do, and ask them the same questions each time to uncover additional needs. Hmm? Doesn't make much sense to me, but apparently it does to someone(s) who make a LOT more money than I do. Oh well, it is what it is.
    I've tried explaining in SIMPLE terms how our new You Save checking works and I continue to trip over my own words because the presentation doesn't flow smoothly with all the details: 100% 4 months, $50 bonus for Direct Deposit (in 4 months), $50 bonus for Bill Pay (in 4 months), 10% match after that, 1 premier account per SSN, converted accounts miss out on this and that and the anniversary of the acct becomes the conversion date, etc.... If I as the Relationship Banker can't even explain the "You Save" checking, how in the world will my customers ever understand it???

  4. Darlene Merman8:37:00 PM